Part 1: The Unacknowledged Wounds of Migrants
July 12, 2024
DARJA MILIDRAGOVIC
The Re-Emergence of My Unresolved Grief
How might unacknowledged and undigested grief make itself known, years later, in the lives of those who have been displaced by war, violence, or any number of reasons that force people to leave home? Well, for me, one way was in the form of a writer’s block far more stubborn than I’m used to – a total mystery, in fact. I was supposed to begin writing my capstone paper for my MA in Counselling in the summer of 2023. Not only that, but I had been looking forward to it! I couldn’t imagine anything better than hunkering down at the beach with my laptop and my thoughts, pretending to be a writer and exploring ways to approach grief therapy with those who have lost a beloved one.
At the time, I was interested in the integration of internal family systems (IFS) and expressive arts therapy as a way to move through grief with curiosity, imagination, playfulness, beauty, love, and hope. It was a topic that called to me from the very beginning of the program, but the months passed by one after another, and I could not find it in myself to put down a single new word. This was no longer a matter of familiar tendencies toward procrastination, perfectionism, and the fear of failing myself and my readers. Instead, it was becoming a hopelessness that crept in slowly and made me question the entire point of it all. What had happened to me?
Here's what I came to know. From October to January, I found myself watching the horrors taking place in Gaza, unable to peel myself away. I had only months to finish my paper, but as I witnessed the death, destruction, and unspeakable loss that the people of Palestine were living through before all our eyes, I not only felt hopeless but repelled by my topic. How could I write about ways to tend to the grief following the loss of a loved one when innocent people around the world – Gaza, Syria, Afghanistan, Ukraine, Sudan, Congo, Eritrea, Yemen, Mexico, Haiti, Venezuela, and on and on it goes – were losing everything as a result of global politics, capitalism, colonisation, imperialism, racism, and all forms of oppression. I witnessed people experiencing incomprehensible loss in real time and in the most horrific ways imaginable. These people are losing, have already lost, and will continue to lose not only their loved ones – their beloved partners and children and friends and family – but their homes, neighbourhoods, communities, jobs, livelihoods, lands, hopes, and dreams.
How could I write a capstone on possible ways to help those who have already faced a loss amid this continual taking – of Self, of peace, of joy, of meaning, of love, of health, of time, of culture, of belonging – from so many around the world. This taking that is chronic, historical, multigenerational, and intergenerational does not end once you’ve experienced violence, war, genocide, systemic destruction, displacement, and resettlement. It takes from tomorrow today.
I felt ashamed to even think about the “healing” of grief. Should the focus not be on doing everything in our power to stop this theft of all that makes life beautiful, worthwhile and sustainable? Should we not do what we can to stop the wound from being created in the first place rather than perpetually dealing with the consequences?
What I came to understand in February 2024 was that this was also my grief. The heartache. The overwhelm. The terror. The immobilization. The anticipation. I knew something about this deep in my bones. It is a remembering in my body whenever I see this type of violence inflicted upon innocent peoples. A remembering of being that innocent person – a child – when the life of my family was senselessly and mercilessly turned upside down by the siege of my city, Sarajevo, during the war in Bosnia in the 1990s.
It is a knowing of what awaits those who survive and re-settle, leaving a whole world and an entire life behind and coming to a new “home” that may never come to feel like home at all (and it must be said, often a home on soil that carries its own stories of dispossession, injustice, and genocide, and the losses and grief of its Indigenous peoples). It is a re-awakening of a deep grief that has never truly been acknowledged or tended to.
Unacknowledged Losses of Migrants
Although loss is a natural and inevitable part of being human, the losses that migrants and refugees experience can be all-encompassing, multi-layered, and extremely complex. In addition, we are in an era of human migration that is more dehumanizing than it has ever been (Achotegui, 2019). Those fleeing war, in particular, have to endure unimaginable stressors and many potentially traumatic events. However, while it is now well known that war, armed conflict, poverty, forced displacement, and the various stages of the migration process can be extremely traumatic, there is still a significant gap in the literature on the migration experience.
Specifically, while most research on migrants and refugees has focused on trauma and mental health disorders, often through a pathologizing lens that situates the problem within “them”, loss and grief are given very little attention (Renner et al., 2024). I went through article after article searching for the words grief and loss, only to discover that they were almost exclusively used in the context of the traumatic death of loved ones. Why is this so? What about the innumerable and profound non-death losses that accompany migration and that go unacknowledged by research, society, and even oneself? I wanted to know what could be behind this lack of recognition.
Disenfranchised Grief
Loss has predominantly been defined in the literature as the death of a loved one (Draper et al., 2020), and grief has most often been associated with this kind of loss and its implications (Gitterman & Knight, 2018). Given that this is one of the most universal losses and one that will inevitably touch most humans more than once in their lifetime, it isn’t surprising that much of the theoretical, empirical, and clinical literature has developed with the aim of helping people through this type of grief (Gitterman & Knight, 2018; Pihkala, 2024).
Nevertheless, the loss that leads to grief can actually be defined as any experience that involves a change in one’s circumstance or perception, and one where it is impossible to return to the way things previously were (Harris & Winokuer, 2021). And yet some losses, both death and non-death related, that may be deeply meaningful to individuals and have similar implications as the death of a loved one have generally been marginalized or stigmatized and have received significantly less acknowledgement and attention due to social values, norms, and expectations (Harris & Winokuer, 2021). In this case, though an individual may be experiencing a significant reaction, their loss may not be socially recognized, accepted, or validated, a concept for which Doka (1989, 2002) coined the term disenfranchised grief.
In the realm of death-related losses, some, such as the loss of a pet, friend, non-traditional relationship, or loss through miscarriage, may be disenfranchised because the relationship is not as valued (Doka, 1989; Harris & Winouker, 2021). Moreover, aspects of some losses may be stigmatized, such as death from AIDS, drug overdose, suicide, or gang-related homicide, which is the context within which disenfranchised grief is most commonly understood and discussed (Attig, 2004; Doka, 2002; Gitterman & Knight, 2018).
However, the concept of disenfranchised grief applies to significant non-death losses as well (Doka, 2002; Gitterman & Knight, 2018; Harris & Winouker, 2021). According to Gitterman and Knight (2018), the emotional, physical, and psychological reactions following non-death losses are typically misunderstood and misinterpreted as merely signs of stress or depression rather than grief. These losses can be tangible as well as intangible, such as the loss of hope, time, dreams, innocence, status, social roles, security, stability, and identity.
These are also sometimes referred to as invisible losses precisely because it is so difficult, if not impossible, to perceive them with the senses (Pihkola, 2024). Not only does the ensuing grief then go unrecognized by society, but due to the societal and communal failure to acknowledge these kinds of losses, the grief can also go unrecognized by one’s own self (Schmidt, 2023).
It is, therefore, these losses that I will focus on here, not because they matter more, but because they have mattered far less. This has left many of the experiences of migrants, refugees, and immigrants unknown, misunderstood, and cast to the shadows.
The Ambiguity of Migratory Grief
The various and multiple losses faced by migrants can lead to migratory grief, a complex and often difficult kind of mourning that is distinct from the classical concept of mourning after the loss of a loved one (Achotegui, 2019; Renner et al., 2024). Migration is a disorienting process involving the loss of all that is familiar, both tangible and abstract. What’s more, many of these losses are made even less obvious by their ambiguity.
The concept of ambiguous loss was coined by Pauline Boss (1999) to describe a type of loss that lacks a clear conclusion or resolution. This type of loss defies any traditional understanding of the grieving process and can result in unresolved and prolonged grief as well as lack of acknowledgement, making it an example of disenfranchised grief. When a loss is clear and definite, and people can agree that it has occurred, there are usually rituals in place to mark it.
But what about the many ambiguous losses experienced by migrants, where something is both present and absent, such as the continuing psychological presence of one’s homeland, which is both lost and continues to exist, as does the possibility of connection to it? The physical and symbolic loss of familiar and dear places that once provided comfort and a sense of self leaves individuals feeling adrift, untethered, and without closure. All that is bound in land – ways of knowing, forms of identification, social connections, cultural practices, and a sense of place and community – is lost with it (Barnett et al., 2016), as are specific emotionally relevant elements, like landscapes, colors, light, scents, and temperature (Achotegui, 2019). This kind of loss, where one is stripped from a holding, secure environment in which to continue their life (Lijtmaer, 2022) and feel at home, is more difficult to see and explicitly acknowledge (Doka, 2002).
And though grief may diminish, it always remains somewhere in the background, easily re-emerging through a reawakening of ties throughout one’s life, such as after a visit, a phone call, or news arriving from “home”. Moreover, according to clinical psychologist Jorge Aroche (Blanco, 2023), individuals can also experience migratory grief related to the idealisation and fantasy of what could have been if they had not left their homeland, even if they had to flee to survive and may be better off in the new country.
In addition, when families are separated, individuals mourn the physical absence of their loved ones. Family members remain psychologically present in thoughts, concerns, and longing, however, which makes the loss both ambiguous and often chronic and recurring. This is even more severe when the separation is forced or traumatic. On the other hand, family members who do remain together physically may experience the psychological absence or loss of a loved one facing depression, PTSD, addiction, or other mental health related problems that are closely associated with the traumatic impacts of war, displacement, and migration.
Other ambiguous losses that are often overlooked are the loss of precious time, including all the opportunities and experiences that one never had, as well as the loss of language, which not only allows us to express who we are but is necessary for intercultural dialogue and connection to others (Boteva-Richter, 2024). The inability to understand and communicate can feel like a glass wall – one can see who is on the other side but there is a barrier that creates a sense of loneliness, isolation, shame, and fragmentation of Self.
All these aspects of the experience of migratory grief, and many more, ultimately contribute to profound changes in the identity of immigrants (Achotegui, 2019). Over time, migrants can experience a gap between home and host country identities, impacting their sense of belonging and complicating or “fragmenting” identity (Beauregard, 2020; Petrovic, 2021). Considering that many of these losses are cumulative, ambiguous, recurring, chronic, and often traumatic, I ask myself, how could the resulting grief not be complicated, and even more so because it is generally overlooked, invalidated, and thus never properly attended to.
There is another layer to this lack of acknowledgement, however. Not only are certain types of loss disenfranchised, but so are certain grievers.
Disenfranchised Grievers: Intersectionality and the Right to Grieve
Attig (2004) argues that the right to grieve is a human right and a matter of human dignity. He even questions the term “disenfranchisement” as it suggests the denial of a conventional right or privilege that is within the power of social, political, and legal institutions to grant, leaving some excluded, marginalized, and powerless. Being that it is a human right, its disenfranchisement is a social failure. Namely, it is a failure of empathy, but also a political and ethical failure (Attig, 2004). Applied to the context of migrants and refugees, this failure is primarily rooted in othering due to racial, religious, cultural, and ethnic differences, which present a significant barrier to empathy and respect (Esposito, 2022).
This is reflected in the media portrayal of certain refugees and asylum seekers as criminalized, pathologized, and dehumanized (Azevedo et al., 2021; Goodfellow, 2020, as cited in Draper et al., 2020). Not only does the very category of refugee conjure up certain images, misconceptions, and stereotypes in the public imagination, but the destructive systems of colonization, racism, sexism, and patriarchy create a hierarchy of bodies where some are considered less valuable or human than others (McBride, 2021), and thus even less deserving of empathy and capable of experiencing grief and sorrow.
It is well-documented that different refugees are treated differently based on racialized migration controls and systems that privilege certain groups over others (Costello & Foster, 2022). For example, Esposito (2022) highlights the inequitable treatment of Syrian and Ukrainian refugees, the latter currently being at the top of the refugee hierarchy. This difference is partially seen to be caused by Islamophobia and an internalized othering of those who come from the Middle East and Africa. Middle Eastern refugees, for instance, are perceived as dangerous and violent terrorists (Esposito, 2022). In addition, even among Ukrainian refugees, those of color and members of ethnic minorities are not met with the same acceptance (Costello & Foster, 2022). This sends a painfully clear message to those who are excluded that they are not as deserving and that their pain matters less.
Therefore, not only do certain types of losses lack social acknowledgement, but certain types of people do as well based on their intersectional identities. Coined by Black feminist theorist Kimberlé Crenshaw (1989), the concept of intersectionality proposes that we all live at the intersections of multiple cultural identities. These influence how we view the world and how we are viewed by it. These intersections impact where on the hierarchy of bodies one is placed, who and what is grievable, and who is “given” the right to grieve.
Importance of Enfranchising Migratory Grief for Healing
The love of our neighbour in all its fullness
simply means being able to say to him,
“What are you going through?”
— Simone Weil, Waiting for God, 1951
The experience of migratory grief has not been widely recognized by society or mental health care professionals (Renner et al., 2024). This needs to be addressed because the very nature of disenfranchised grief isolates individuals in their experience and acts as barrier to the grieving process. When a meaningful loss is denied social recognition, a person isn’t given the chance to make sense of their loss and work through their grief (Gitterman & Knight, 2018; Renzenbrink, 2021). This can cause individuals to get “stuck” in grief that is “stunted” in its process (Harris & Winouker, 2021), thus exacerbating reactions and impacting mental health and well-being.
Given that it is well recognized in the literature that the experience of loss invokes a grief response and has considerable implications for the psychological state of individuals, we must first begin by recognizing this loss among migrants (Casado et al., 2010). Its enfranchisement provides an opportunity for the grief experience to be expressed, which is necessary for people to begin to come to terms with their loss, accept it, make meaning of it, and move forward.
Conclusion
This first blog post is based on my capstone (see link to view the full paper: https://hdl.handle.net/20.500.11803/2506). It is my way of sharing these ideas with a wider audience and contributing to the acknowledgement and humanization of the grief that inevitably accompanies the uprooted, displaced, and resettled in their new life. It has accompanied me longer than I know, but upon this discovery, rather than falling into the abyss of despair, I chose to enter the door suddenly before me with the hope that I could find meaning on the other side and share insights and inspiration with readers like you.
Draper et al. (2020) argue that the literature and stories told about current migratory experiences and asylum seekers are generally connected to trauma and situated within a historical and Western cultural context that privileges pathology. It is now taken for granted that trauma generates PTSD and a trauma response evidenced by the symptoms of those who migrate. Research and literature are thus produced on the basis of this taken-for granted knowledge (Draper et al., 2022). Loss and grief are rarely mentioned. And yet, more recent research suggests that the reactions of this population may have as much, if not more, to do with loss than trauma (Gitterman & Knight, 2018).
With the ongoing war in Ukraine and the genocide taking place in Palestine, which have caught the attention of the global masses, it does not look like we are heading any closer to the possibility of a time of peace. Furthermore, the forced displacement of people is expected to continue rising significantly due to the growing ecological and climate crisis and lack of resources. In fact, it is predicted to double by 2050 (Clement et al., 2021, as cited in Hazer & Gredebäck, 2023). What this tells us is that the losing will continue.
By giving words to what is disenfranchised and often invisible and unspeakable, individuals like me and so many others can begin to feel seen and understood, which can itself be deeply comforting, if not healing. This is the offering to the migrant – to feel witnessed, acknowledged, and perhaps even a little more hopeful. It is only by acknowledging a loss that the grieving process can be initiated, and it is only by moving through grief that we can find our way back to ourselves and to each other, whatever this may look like for each of us.
In addition to this, a deeper understanding of migratory grief is needed to inform more validating, compassionate, culturally sensitive, and inclusive approaches to listening to and supporting the well-being of migrants and refugees, no matter how long they have been in their new home. Whether we are settlement workers, social workers, mental health workers, counsellors, teachers, friends, or simply fellow humans, it is not enough to know about migrants and refugees. We must know them with the heart, recognize all they have lost, and honour the courage it takes to go on without it.
Finally, a deeper understanding of migratory grief is also needed to highlight the urgency and necessity of standing up for our Earth, humanity, and innocent peoples everywhere by saying no to the conditions that perpetuate displacement and loss, including imperialism, colonization, capitalism, patriarchy, war, genocide, violence, racism, hatred, and exploitation. At the root of these is not only individual and collective trauma, but also individual and collective grief.
If we are ever to have peace in this world, we must begin by both acknowledging and witnessing this grief and by doing everything in our power to put a stop to its perpetuation. We must immediately stop violence, war, and dehumanization so that the generations to come do not have to bear the emotional and psychological impact of our own wounds and lack of action and foresight. We must stand up for peace, for justice, for love, and for everyone’s right to belong to this world. Perhaps our grief is the only thing that can reveal the seeds of the change and transformation needed. Maybe on the other side of what we have lost lies our great calling to create something new – and better – for all.
Part 2 coming soon…
Go to link to view full Capstone paper: https://hdl.handle.net/20.500.11803/2506
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